I’m thinking of asking my doc to try something like Phentermine 37.5, I think I need more help as my willpower has gone missing. I really wish I could accept myself at this weight but I don’t think that is ever going to happen and so I will be battling this forever.

I would just like to get back down to 150-160lb where my back doesn’t ache and a flight of stairs doesn’t give me what feels like a heart attack and my knees don’t complain or pop. I would love to move into my new place not obese and a lot more healthier than I am now.

I wish it wasn’t so hard!

This week has been a week of lunches. Thai on Tuesday, Swiss Chalet on Wednesday and Indian yesterday. So much for trying to watch what I eat. These were business lunches and although Swiss Chalet I could choose a salad, I’m couldn’t on Tuesday or Wednesday.

I wish there truly were safe diets for quick weight loss that didn’t cost and arm and a leg. But since my arms and legs are already tied into paying down my debt in order to sign my life away in December…they’re out.

I think that I should just be happy this way…I love my food and as long as I don’t go overboard on the scale so my health becomes an issue I should be happy.

Back in 2007 when I had regained 20lbs I had gone to my doctor and asked about diet pills. I was so scared to gain any further weight (I had previously lost over 70lbs and then had a tummy tuck) but he told me I needed to make an honest try to lose the weight naturally and not with the help of pills.

And I did. I got back on track and lost those 20lbs and felt great.

Deja vu, almost 3 years later and instead of regaining 20, I’ve regained it all back, plus another 5lbs and once again reading up on adipex reviews (phentermine) and contemplating asking my family doctor for some kind of diet pill prescription.

I do think though that my weight gain started when I got on my happy pills and though I don’t blame it all on the depression meds I am on, I do think that they take away the edge of “OMG I’VE GAINED 5lbs!” and it is like “oh, look, I gained 5lbs…hmmm” and then I move on.

I won’t go off the happy pills, they do take the edge off and my life is better for them, I can say I haven’t been depressed since I went on them…just fat.

Our facebook condo group found out this week that (supposedly) our condo will be ready for occupancy starting in May…with the higher floors in by the end of September. That leaves me 8 months to really concentrate on my weight loss.

Once I lost the weight (70lbs) I never thought to regain it. I shouldn’t have thought that way and remembered that it can be gained back overnight…or at least that is how it feels though it did take a year.

I really don’t want to move into my new home at this weight. And I know I am who I am at this weight or a lower one, but it would just be nice to have a fresh new start in a new home and a better, healthy body.

I have been reviewing various diet pills like the fat blocker Alli. I would like to try Alli, however it is not available in Canada and currently I don’t have a passport so no US visits for me. I wish that there was a magical pill as I’ve swear I’ve been dieting all of my life and I am tired of it. But I cannot be happy at this weight so of course I will continue on and fight the battle.

But I really wish I could just take the easy way out and not care…but then again if this is all that is wrong in my life I really cannot complain.