I’ve only been searching for a little while tonight but it appears that it is very probably (very) that Celexa is definitely one of the cluprits of my weight gain. . 13 months on my little white pills have seen me gain 50lbs and although caring…not really caring.
What to do? I am certainly a more level headed person on my 20mg of Celexa per day that I don’t really want to go off of it. I am glad I found this drug, but I did read that Wellbutrin is one of the happy pills out there that will not see you gain weight and may in fact help you lose it. I am not looking for weight loss pills but something that will help with my depression and NOT make me want to eat everything in sight.
I think a call into my doctor and making an appointment is in order tomorrow.
Just one of the steps to getting myself back on track.
I don’t know if you noticed or not but my weight was updated in the sidebar on Friday. Two Hundred Pounds. It should not shock me, I knew what the result would be in feeding my face with no activity.
But it did shock me, too much actually and I tried to pretend I didn’t see those numbers. In Sep 2002 I weighed 209lbs, that was the start of my journey. In Jun 2005 I got down to 141lbs. I now only weigh 9lbs less than my 2002 start. That is really disheartening and sent me spiralling this weekend into a pit of self loathing that I honestly haven’t felt since 2002 when I decided I really needed to do something about it.
I really felt the downward spiral starting Saturday morning when I was trying to find something to wear to the dog park. I wasn’t looking for anything dressy, just a pair of capris (all too small) and a tshirt (all too small!). It was too nice to wear heavy winter jeans and a sweater. I finally found a pair of trackpant capris and and a not too tight top. I felt awful and it only got worse and so I ate.
I know, I know – food is what got me into this mess. I have not given up from last week’s restart. I hope though that it will not take me 3 years to lose 50lbs, I don’t think I can do that again. Also, during this journey I plan on getting some help with my food issues so that when I do get back to 150lbs, I will not see myself doing this again.
I wanted to post about a comment left that Jeff is the cause of my depression. Nope, wrong. I have had nothing to do with Jeff since basically July when we called it quits. We say hi, here and there on facebook and we went out for dinner when I got my smart – but other than that…nothing. He even called two weeks ago to see if I wanted to come down for dinner and I said no. Yes, I declined.
But when he called this Thursday about my birthday, I said yes. So my current mood has nothing to do with him at all. There is no pattern right now that contains him. If you read my blog since the dawn o’ time…you will see this pattern is me.
I am not sure what is going on with me. I have been very down in the dumps for a bit now and cannot seem to climb out – yet I don’t feel depressed. I love working, love my job and I enjoy it when I’m there. But once it is done I come home, go to my bedroom and sit on the computer and that is where I spend the rest of my day. The weekends…the same but with naps throughout the day. It is like I do not have an apartment – just a room.
The other weirdness is that I do the dishes, I dust, etc – I am not letting the apartment look like my normal depressed states. I may not do it every Sunday like I used to but it does get done and the place doesn’t look like someone lives there alone in her bedroom with her dog…feeding her face.
I am still writing my CGA quizzes of my MS1 course. I have not given up per se, but something is definitely wrong.
I’m wondering if I’m in hiding. I don’t like going out and in all truth I hate it. I hate the way I look and nothing fits but I don’t want to spend more money on clothes. I have TONS in the closet, TONS! So I hide. Please excuse me while I go back to it.
Still no treadmill. I have to make arrangements to pick it up and I’m using a co-worker so I have to work with her schedule. I was noticing myself this morning that I was looking rather slobby…when I gain weight I just stop caring and even though I do my makeup every morning as well as my hair, etc – it is not with the same care as I do when I am feeling good about myself.
I am so low on clothes right now as last year when I regained 20lbs, I had gotten those buggers off in a few months time so most of my fall/winter clothes are for my size 9/10/12 self, not my current 14. It depresses me that I have no clothes and I don’t want to buy any either.
Anywho, yes – depressed about myself BIG time. I know I have to change, I know I just have to suck up and do it. I know.
Note to self: call my insurance broker as I have still not received a hard copy of my car insurance papers for the smart. Just the PDF file they sent the day I was picking her up.